


Dear...

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2018-07-19 02:39:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7341274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barbara writes a letter she will never send</p><p>BriarPetal asked for a second chapter where Tommy finds the letter... I finally found a way!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC... no copyright infringement intended... I'm just having a little fun with them and will put them back when I'm done.

Dear...

I really don't know how to address this letter. Should I call you Sir, or DI Lynley, or Inspector, or Lord Asherton? One thing I do know is that I can never let myself call you Tommy. I guess in the end it doesn't matter what I call you, you are not going to read this and, even if I found the courage to send it to you, you wouldn't care about anything I have to say; you've made that perfectly clear.

So what, you might ask, is the point in writing this to you? Truthfully? I'm not sure if I can answer that. All I do know is that I have got so many conflicting emotions bottled up inside of me right now, and if I don't find some way to release them I seriously believe I might go insane.

I'm sorry Helen died. I'm sorry that it wasn't me. I'm sorry that I was unable to save her; I honestly did try my best, but I know you'll never believe me.

I'm sorry that I've failed you. I'm sorry that seeing me or talking to me is obviously so painful for you; that it reminds you of what I cost you, that it reminds you of what you have lost.

I'm sorry that I have disappointed you. I'm sorry that there is nothing I can do that will ever make things right.

I'm sorry that we laughed together. I'm sorry that we argued. I'm sorry that I am only human; and that I have failings, and feelings, and feet of clay. 

I'm sorry that I have a heart. I'm sorry that I care about you. I'm sorry that I thought we were friends. I'm sorry that I was so wrong.

I'm sorry for all the times we spent together. I'm sorry for all the memories we shared. 

I'm sorry that I trusted you. I'm sorry that I ever let you into my life. I'm sorry that we ever met.

I'm sorry that I've ruined your life. I'm sorry that I've let you ruin mine.

I'm sorry that I love you. I'm sorry that I hate you. I'm sorry that I miss you. I'm sorry that nothing I did was right. I'm sorry that it was never enough; that I was never enough, that I was never good enough.

I don't know what else I can say but I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'M SORRY!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter 2 is for BriarPetal, who wanted Tommy to find the letter... sorry it took so long_

“Leave that last box Tommy, it’s only paperwork and I’ll sort it out in the morning.”

I grinned wickedly at her. “And what if I have plans for you in the morning?”

“Then I guess I’ll sort that box out in the afternoon.”

“I have a better idea, why don’t you go out and get the beers and pizzas while I put the papers away in my office?”

“You just want my body to be at your beck and call.”

I wrapped my arms around her, pulled her against me and nuzzled her neck. “Are you saying you don’t like being at my beck and call?”

“Definitely not.”

“Good, I would be very worried if I was boring you, especially as you’ve only just moved in.”

“I don’t think there’s any chance of that happening.”

“That’s good to know. So, beer and pizzas?”

Barbara pushed away from me and retrieved her bag and keys. “I’m going, I’m going. Honestly, you complain that I’m a bottomless pit as far as food is concerned, you’re just as bad!”

“What can I say, you help me work up an appetite...”

As the door closed behind her I turned my attention back to the box of paperwork. We had spent most of the day blending Barbara’s possessions with mine in what was now our home. It had taken us a long time to admit to how we felt about each other, we hadn’t wanted to waste any more time.

I removed the lid of the box, pulled open the spare drawer in the filing cabinet and began to sort the papers into some kind of order…

“Tommy?”

I looked up, surprised that I hadn’t heard her come in.

Barbara gestured to the document I was holding in my hand, “what’s so interesting?”

I passed it to her, watching the colour drain from her face drain as she realised what she was reading.

“I can explain.”

I hurried to her side, enfolding her in my embrace.

“You don’t need to explain,” she went to object but I shook my head, “you don’t. I was horrible to you after Helen’s death. Actually, horrible doesn’t even come close to describing how I treated you. You were my best friend, my dearest friend, and I treated you like dirt because I knew you would always be there. I could lay all my anger and frustration at your door and you would never walk away. I continually abused both you and our relationship, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to find a way to make it up to you and show you just how much you mean to me. I love you Barbara, I’m just sorry I hurt you so much.”

“I kept trying to reach you and you kept pushing me away. I had to find a release for how I was feeling. I never meant you to see that letter, in fact I didn’t even know I still had it.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“Why?”

“Because you coming into my life, it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I can be pompous and opinionated, and sometimes I need to be reminded just how close I came to destroying the one person who is my world. Now, pizza and beer in bed?”

Her eyes sparkled with amusement. “Only if you promise I can have you for afters?”

“We have a deal."


End file.
